I used to live in an apartment that had the washer and dryer in this utility closet that was right next to the kitchen. The closet had these two doors that opened outwards, and I'd usually leave one - or sometimes both - open.
The way the apartment was shaped, it made sense to keep my trash can in there. Pretty standard type of thing, right?
Well this one morning I wake up and am making breakfast, totally minding my own business. I, like a lot of people, have some mild allergies that like to flare up right after I've awakened from my nightly slumber.
I'm frying up this egg, mentally planning my day, and I have to sneeze. I had enough time pre-sneeze that I grabbed a paper towel and caught it. Gotta stay clean, fam.
I head into the little closet where my trash can is to toss the paper towel. As my body is half-in and half-out, I get the urge to sneeze again. The paper towels were positioned on the counter behind one of these half doors that was open. I head over to try and grab one, but the sneeze beat me to the punch and then I felt like I got punched.
You see, this was no ordinary sneeze. This was the greatest sneeze any human being has ever sneezed. The force and momentum of the sneeze rocked me so far forward that, since I was literally facing the half door while trying to get the paper towel, my head slammed into the door.
The pain was insane. And then there was blood! Everywhere! I ran to the bathroom to get some tissue paper (even though the paper towels were in front of me... the pain clouded my logic) and tried to control everything. After collecting myself, still in pain, I noticed that I'd left a trickle of blood along the carpet where I'd ran and that it was all over my shirt (which was conveniently white).
I took off my shirt and immediately soaked it in an attempt to salvage it. Then I got some carpet cleaner out and had to scrub the carpet before the blood set. As I was on my knees scrubbing, still in massive pain and now shirtless, I thought... How did everything get so bad so quickly?
That's what last Thursday night was like for the Dallas Cowboys. Everything went dark and was pain-filled in the blink of an eye. It's time to get ourselves together and scrub the carpet. We begin that journey with a preseason contest against the Houston Texans. Sometimes that trip is unnecessarily bold like that morning for me, but in time all heals and everything lines up the way it's supposed to.
Welcome to my 5 Bold Predictions. Let's roll.
Andy Jones Will Catch Two Touchdowns
When the Dallas Cowboys signed 14 players who went undrafted this past April, Jacksonville University's Andy Jones received the highest signing bonus of them all.
It's a bit of an annual tradition for Cowboys Nation to fall in love with undrafted wide receivers, Andy fits that profile perfectly.
Jones hasn't exactly had a stellar preseason, and he's very unlikely to make this team's roster; however, he has one last shot to prove his worth to other NFL teams. Considering that Dez Bryant, Cole Beasley, Terrance Williams, and Brice Butler won't play much if at all... Andy is going to be a target monster tonight.
Andy will hit the paint twice. That's dos. #Vamonos.
The Brandon Weeden We Know Will Show Up... In Spectacular Fashion
95 of 130 for 1,041 yards, 5 touchdowns, and 4 interceptions. That's what Brandon Weeden contributed to the Dallas Cowboys while
disgracing wearing our uniform.
I'm sure that Brandon Weeden is a nice person. He seems like the kind of guy who greets his dog when he first walks in his house, gives him a nice belly rub, and goes about his business.
You need no reminder about how belly-up Brandon Weeden's 2015 season in Dallas was. Deplorable would be putting it kindly.
destroying leaving the Cowboys, Brandon Weeden joined the only team that made more sense for him than the Cleveland Browns - the Houston Texans. A new uniform can't fool us though, Cowboys Nation. We know the real Brandon. And we'll see him in all his perpetual clumsiness tonight, something to the tune of five interceptions perhaps.
The Zeke/Dak Meme Will Make An Appearance
Near the end of last week's preseason contest in Seattle a funny little photo started circulating around the internet thanks to CBS Dallas.
I like to fancy myself a pretty creative guy (I did write a whole bunch of words up top about how I took it in the face by a door...) and I don't think there's a finite number of captions that I could come up with for this masterpiece.
A lot of things can be said about Zeke and Dak, including that they're the future of America's Team. You can count on the notion that the game's broadcasters are going to try to say something of their own about this bad boy.
The Ralph Neely Governor's Cup Story Will Be Told
During my Countdown To Kickoff series last summer I profiled the greatest Dallas Cowboys to wear each and every jersey number. While Larry Allen obviously took home #73, that day allowed me to tell the story of Ralph Neely.
When the NFL and AFL were still competing leagues in the 1960s they'd often draft the same player - Ralph Neely was one of these double selections. He initially signed with the AFL's Houston Oilers, but when his NFL rights were traded from the Baltimore Colts to the Dallas Cowboys he decided he wanted to put a Star on his helmet.
Upon the 1966 NFL-AFL Merger the Oilers demanded compensation from the Cowboys for Neely's rights, considering he'd signed a contract with them. The Cowboys agreed to send Houston a 1st, 2nd, and two 5th round picks in the 1967 collective NFL Draft... and to play them in the preseason. This is how the Governor's Cup was born.
You can count on the game crew to tell this story, but you're smart and read Inside The Star so you knew it first. Hey-o!
Jameill Showers Will Make The Final 53-Man Roster
A lot of people believe that this game will go a long way in determining Jameill Shower's future as a member of the Dallas Cowboys.
I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I think that Jameill's roster spot became secured the moment Tony Romo was writhing in pain on the turf in Seattle.
The only two capable quarterbacks on this planet who have experience in the 2016 Dallas Cowboys offense are literally Dak Prescott and Jameill Showers. There is no way on such a planet that the Cowboys roll into a season with such high aspirations without that security.
Jameill will have himself a nice little game here, too. He just doesn't need to. Leggo.
Cowboys en Español: La Afortunada Llegada de Randall Cobb
Tras la partida del veterano Cole Beasley, los Dallas Cowboys tenían un hueco preocupante en la posición de receptor abierto. Incluso después de obtener a Amari Cooper la temporada pasada y el tener a un jugador joven y talentoso en Michael Gallup, el equipo tenía que hacer algo para reemplazar a Beasley como el receptor de slot en la ofensiva. Beasley fue increíble en su trabajo durante su carrera en Dallas, pero la administración nunca estuvo cerca de igualar las ofertas que recibió de los Buffalo Bills. Afortunadamente, ya encontraron el hombre para el trabajo.
A pesar de estar muy callados en la primera semana de agencia libre, los Cowboys empiezan a verse involucrados con varios jugadores disponibles. Su contratación más importante hasta el momento es sin duda la del ex WR de los Green Bay Packers, Randall Cobb.
Hace unos años, Cobb atrapó el balón que terminó el partido de playoffs entre los Packers y los Cowboys minutos después de que la recepción de Dez Bryant fuera revocada. En 2019, vestirá la estrella.
Si bien es difícil argumentar que en este momento Cobb es mejor jugador que Cole Beasley, el contrato que la administración le dio al nuevo integrante del equipo es muy razonable. El ex-Packer jugará bajo un contrato por un año y cinco millones de dólares. Lo que preocupa a muchos sobre Cobb es su salud, ya que en 2018 sólo jugó nueve partidos. Sin embargo, su carrera no ha estado plagada de lesiones como muchos lo asumen.
Cobb será un titular en esta ofensiva que utilizará su habilidad para ganar en rutas rápidas. Sus manos son muy confiables y le dará a Dak Prescott otra arma en el juego aéreo. Simple y sencillamente una muy buena contratación de los Dallas Cowboys.
¿Robert Quinn, Por Favor?
Esta semana se reportó que el defensive end Robert Quinn estaba de visita en The Star, las instalaciones de los Dallas Cowboys. El DE no es un agente libre, siendo que aún está bajo contrato con los Miami Dolphins. Sin embargo, ambos equipos están en discusiones para llevar a cabo un trade por el caza cabezas de 28 años.
Después de que Randy Gregory volviera a recibir una suspensión, DE apareció entra las necesidades más urgentes del equipo y si no logran atender dicha necesidad previo al NFL Draft, tendrán que utilizar uno de sus primeros picks para conseguir un jugador que juegue opuesto a DeMarcus Lawrence.
Quinn, quien había jugado la mayoría de su carrera con los Rams, aún es joven y productivo. En las últimas dos temporadas ha logrado conseguir 15 sacks. De conseguirlo, los Cowboys tendrían que trabajar en una extensión para él.
Con un año en su contrato actual, no debe de ser muy caro conseguir un trade por él. Me atrevería a decir que la compensación que los Dolphins buscan por Quinn debe de estar en el rango de una selección cuarta y quinta ronda.
Parece un movimiento probable, pero no es difícil imaginar a otro equipo estando interesado en el jugador. Por lo pronto, sabemos que Quinn disfrutó su tiempo con Rod Marinelli y con el equipo de los Cowboys esta semana. Habrá que esperar para saber su destino.
DL Kerry Hyder Helps Solidify A Re-Tooled Defensive Line
The Cowboys got off to a busy start to week two of free agency on Monday, and capped it off by signing defensive lineman Kerry Hyder to a one year deal.
The former Detroit Lion could be classified as a "one year wonder" of sorts, but when you look closer at his career arc, you see that Hyder can provide upside at multiple positions across the Cowboys' defensive front.
After having 8 sacks and 19 quarterback hits as a defensive end in 2016, Hyder missed all of 2017 with an achilles injury. Last season, under new head coach Matt Patricia, Hyder was moved out of position and forced to play as a nose tackle and 5-technique more often.
So, the last time Hyder was healthy and playing in the role in he will likely fill in Dallas, he was productive. Yes that was a couple of seasons ago but it makes Hyder worth the one year deal he received from the Cowboys.
What exactly is that role, though?
I see Hyder primarily as a rotational 3-technique for the Cowboys. At just 270 pounds Hyder isn't going to play over the center often, and won't be very useful as a 1-technique against the run. He's at his best when lining on the outside shade of an offensive lineman, where he can use his get-off and quickness to create pressure.
Kerry Hyder can also fill in at defensive end if needed, especially when the Cowboys go into a nickel package. Hyder is similar to Tyrone Crawford in his ability to move inside and out, but is a bit better of a pass rusher than Crawford when at his best.
Hyder is a high energy, motor, and character defensive lineman who will fit right in with a Rod Marinelli unit. If it all clicks for Hyder and he regains his 2016 form, the Cowboys will have stolen an impressive pass rushing defensive lineman who can win from multiple positions.
If Hyder is actually a "one year wonder" who is more of his 2018-self with the Cowboys despite being put in a better role to succeed, Dallas can move on rather quickly because he is only on a one year deal.
This is a smart signing by the Cowboys front office as they look to re-tool their defensive line, and avoid being pigeon-holed into over-drafting at a certain position this Spring.
New Cowboys WR Randall Cobb Announces His Signing With A Fantastic GIF
On Tuesday this week it became official the Cowboys would sign former Green Bay Packers wide receiver Randall Cobb to a one year deal worth an estimated $5 million. After his visit Monday morning, speculation around whether and when he would sign was swirling.
Cobb confirmed his intentions to join the Cowboys himself, and did so with some A+ GIF usage on Twitter.
In case you don't know, the GIF Cobb tweeted is Woody from Toy Story, emerging confidently and tipping his cap.
This was Cobb signaling that he his a Cowboy, and he appears excited to be joining America's Team. Cobb also received some social media love from his now former teammates in Green Bay, including wide receiver Davante Adams and quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron Rodgers had some parting words for new Cowboys WR Randall Cobb
Clearly Randall Cobb made an impact in Green Bay, both on and off the field. Let's hope he can replicate some of that in Dallas now that he has joined the Cowboys.
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