“What do you think RJ is going to do this week with his game picks?”
I’m going to fry you up some tasty treats on Venus!
If you’ve read my Game Picks before then you know I’m a bit unconventional. I avoid the popular picks a lot… I go with my gut!
This week my gut is feeling some really crazy things (to be fair I’ve eaten about a pound of enchilada casserole since Sunday). We’re in store for a twisty week in the NFL!
We’re going to shake things up, baby. Not just you and I… the Dallas Cowboys will be shaking up the NFC East – but we’ll get there.
You look good. You’ve got me going. Just like I knew that you would, you sly dog. Come on baby, we’re going to have some fun.
Allow me to commandeer the Week 11 Parade like my great pal Ferris. I’m going to do my best to put on an equally great show with these picks. I guarantee they’re just as wild and crazy.
A Scene From Movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) A Song by The Beatles
Thursday Night Football: Tennessee Titans (2-7) At Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6)
This is the second “Color Rush” game of the season and the uniforms are visually offensive.
These uniforms would actually be the most offensive thing in this game if it weren’t for the quality of football that is going to be played. Marcus Mariota has had an “eh” rookie year and sure the Jaguars have given fans interest in them thanks to fantasy football… but a spade is a spade. This game sucks.
I’ve picked the Jaguars a lot this year because of their offensive firepower, so there’s not a whole lot of twisting on this pick. Hopefully your neck isn’t twisting either from constantly trying to avert your eyes from the horror of these uniforms!
Prediction: Titans – 13, JAGUARS – 27
Indianapolis Colts (4-5) At Atlanta Falcons (6-3)
In case you forgot, Andrew Luck is not playing for the Colts for the next few weeks… which means it’s Matt Hasselbeck time! The former Boston College QB is going to face off against another BC guy in Matt Ryan – which one is better?
I’m of the opinion that Matty “Ice” is Matty “Massively Overrated.” In fact the whole Falcons team is overrated. Julio Jones is amazing, but that’s it.
The Falcons have beaten: Philadelphia (barely in the waning seconds of Week 1’s MNF), New York Giants (thanks to Eli being Eli), Dallas (in their first game without Romo AND Dez), Houston (…it’s Houston), Washington (who took them all the way to overtime), and squeaked by the Zach Mettenberger-led Titans. This team is supposed to be good?
Prediction: COLTS – 24, Falcons – 13
Denver Broncos (7-2) At Chicago Bears (4-5)
Surely I’m taking the Broncos here, right?
The Broncos are between a Brock and a hard place here. They’ve now had to turn to their backup QB Osweiler while future Hall of Famer Peyton Manning sits and watches (while being coddled with injuries as an excuse for his terrible play lately).
The troubling thing about this is the coaching staff in this game that knows Brock best controls the Chicago Bears. John Fox is out to send a message in this game at his new house, and hey Jay Cutler isn’t throwing 15 interceptions a game so that’s good.
Prediction: Broncos – 9, BEARS – 23
Dallas Cowboys (2-7) At Miami Dolphins (4-5)
I’m not the only one pretending he’s on a float singing his heart out now, am I?
Dallas Cowboys fans EVERYWHERE are going to be at maximum happiness for the first time in what feels like forever when Antonio Ramiro Romo trots out onto the field.
The Miami Dolphins could be the ’85 Bears and I still wouldn’t pick them in this game. There is a real, psychological, element to sports that cannot be explained in words, facts, or emojis. These Cowboys are not losing this game. No way, no how. This one’s for Tony.
Prediction: COWBOYS – 31, Dolphins – 10
Oakland Raiders (4-5) At Detroit Lions (2-7)
Hot tamale there are going to be points scored in this game!
The Raiders are coming off of a poor showing against what are apparently the for-real Minnesota Vikings. The Lions are coming off of WHAT IN THE WORLD win at Lambeau Field (the first time they’ve done that since 1991).
These two teams are both mysteriously bad, but have a lot of offensive firepower. This is going to be that game that keeps getting cut to while you’re watching the Cowboys and saying, “THEY SCORED AGAIN?!”.
Prediction: RAIDERS – 42, Lions – 37
St. Louis Rams (4-5) At Baltimore Ravens (2-7)
I know, I know… Todd Gurley is amazing.
I know, I know… the Ravens have been terrible this year.
I told you that this week was going to be weird and that trend is going to continue when the Ravens drop a hammer on the Rams here. This Baltimore team is frustrated after losing a game they should have won against the Jaguars last week, and they’re about to take it out on someone.
Oh and did I mention that Case Keenum is the quarterback for the Rams? Yes, that’s a real NFL person. I didn’t make that name up.
Prediction: Rams – 16, RAVENS – 27
New York Jets (5-4) At Houston Texans (4-5)
Ryan Fitzpatrick is out for revenge!
Fitzmagic is taking on his 2014 team this Sunday when the J-E-T-S head down to Houston to give them a problem they haven’t seen before.
Yea ok – the Texans beat the Bengals on Monday Night Football. Well one time I made a basketball shot with my eyes closed, it doesn’t mean I’m Michael Jordan.
Houston is going to ride the Jets way back down to Earth this week. Not even Brandon Weeden can save them.
Prediction: JETS – 26, Texans – 7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-5) At Philadelphia Eagles (4-5)
Jameis Winston versus Mark Sanchez… my oh my that is disgusting.
This game will be particularly difficult for Cowboys fans to watch because:
- We like good football.
- These are two teams the Cowboys should have beaten recently.
- Did I mention who the quarterbacks were?
The Cowboys are going to need some help in their quest to conquer the NFC East this year. It all starts with a swashbucklin’ victory by the Bucs on Sunday. YEA THAT’S RIGHT!
Prediction: BUCCANEERS – 20, Eagles – 16
Washington Redskins (4-5) At Carolina Panthers (9-0)
It’s really cute that Kirk Cousins dominated the Saints, but I could make a backwards basketball shot 10 times against a Rob Ryan-led defense.
The Panthers are going to dominate this game. Cam Newton has had to endure a ridiculous onslaught of criticism for celebrating touchdowns – what a horrible thing for him to do! – and he is going to celebrate a lot on Sunday.
The Panthers are going to move to 10-0 easily to set up quite the Turkey Day Showdown against the Cowboys.
Prediction: Redskins – 13, PANTHERS – 30
Kansas City Chiefs (4-5) At San Diego Chargers (2-7)
As surprised as I am about the Cowboys struggles this year, I’m arguably more surprised by the Chargers.
The Cowboys have been without Tony Romo, but Philip Rivers? Dude. You’re pretty awesome. What’s happening?
The Chiefs made a statement in the division last week when they went to Denver and broke the spirit of Peyton Manning. They’re in the race in the AFC West right now, but Philip Rivers IS awesome and is going to show it on Sunday.
Prediction: Chiefs – 17, CHARGERS – 33
Green Bay Packers (6-3) At Minnesota Vikings (7-2)
You did not misread those records. Weird, right?
Olivia Munn is making the Jessica Simpson days in Dallas feel like a jolly walk in the park. She is NOT happy with being connected to the fact that Aaron Rodgers has kind of not been this ridiculously overrated guy that he’s been hyped up to be for a while.
She needs a Teddy bear. A Teddy Bridgewater bear! Hey-O! RJ sure is slinging clever jokes today, isn’t he?!
For real though the Vikings are 7-2. How did that happen? They’ll be 8-2 and we’ll definitely know how that happened Sunday night… Adrian Peterson will have given us the answer.
Prediction: Packers – 24, VIKINGS – 30
San Francisco 49ers (3-6) At Seattle Seahawks (4-5)
The 49ers are one game behind the Seahawks. This is not a drill.
As completely terrible as the 49ers have been this year they have a chance to make a statement on Sunday! Blaine Gabbert has been playing we-
Nope. I can’t do it. I’m feeling wild and crazy, but this is too far. Seahawks win this. Easy.
Prediction: 49ers – 6, SEAHAWKS – 17
Sunday Night Football: Cincinnati Bengals (8-1) At Arizona Cardinals (7-2)
The Red Ryder BB Gun, relax Andy Dalton it’s just a joke, looked like one of those little deals that shoots rubber bands on Monday Night Football against the Texans.
AJ Green? Didn’t do a thing? Tyler Eifert? Oh just dropped three or so passes.
The Arizona Cardinals, however, are ballin’. They sent a message to the NFL with their victory in Seattle that they are taking no prisoners this year. Carson Palmer is about to send his own message to his former team in this game… too da loo.
Prediction: Bengals – 16, CARDINALS – 37
Monday Night Football: Buffalo Bills (5-4) At New England Patriots (9-0)
Rex Ryan is like the big, bad wolf in the “Three Little Piggies” story with all of his huffing and puffing. Bill Belichick is like the three little pigs except he’s not three little pigs he’s a super genius football coach with an army of football monsters trained to destroy everyone else at all costs.
The Patriots will be without the services of Julian Edelman, but does it really matter?
Tom Brady is going to embarrass Rex Ryan like he usually does. Sure the Bills might get a score or two, and Rex will boast about it later, but the Patriots have kept quiet while Rex has barked.
That always means one thing.
Prediction: Bils – 16, PATRIOTS – 44