Ok Cowboys Nation, the mandatory 48 hours of disbelief have passed and now we are in the anger stage, correct?
If you're unfamiliar, I'm referring to the five stages of grief.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are those stages in order, and judging from my Twitter/X timeline today, most fans have moved into stage two.
Angry that the Green Bay Packers won the game in such a dominating fashion.
Angry at yet another season of high expectations ending prematurely.
Angry at yourself for allowing blind faith in your team to yet again break your heart in January.
We all grieve in different ways and I like to deal with grief the same way as many other adults with coping issues, by using humor.
To navigate you through my grief, I will be using a vessel that is very dear to me and many others of my generation:
My favorite actor, comedian, and entertainer, Adam Sandler.
I can rattle off quotes from memory of pretty much any Adam Sandler movie ever made.
I will be using these quotes to speak directly to the team that has us all in our feelings, the Dallas Cowboys.
Without further adieu, here is an ode to the team we are so disappointed with.
I'm talking to you, Dallas Cowboys. This letter is for you.
You Blew It!! (Billy Madison)
Everything fell perfectly into place in the last few weeks of the season despite you losing consecutive road games in December.
You finished the season with 12 wins for the third year in a row while the rival Eagles suffered an epic collapse.
Philadelphia's ineptitude along with your big win versus the Detroit Lions landed you as the 2nd seed in the conference.
You avoided the red-hot Rams and the dangerous Seahawks in the Wildcard round due to an unlikely series of circumstances coming to fruition in the final week of the regular season.
The fanbase was flying high with excitement after Jimmy Johnson's Ring of Honor induction finally broke the nearly three-decade curse, right?
All of the stars were aligned for a deep playoff run to silence the doubters and put the Cowboys back in the Super Bowl conversation.
Instead, you came out flat and uninspired, arguing amongst yourselves.
A step slow on defense and a step too short on offense until it was too late.
Another embarrassing playoff exit later, and we are talking about the draft before the calendar turns to February.
You blew it.
Where Were You? (Jack & Jill)
I'm talking to the team with nine All-Pro players who dominated so many inferior teams during the regular season.
That team on the field Sunday with the Packers is not the team that we watched win nine games by a margin of 20 points or more.
It wasn't the team that set so many NFL records that likely prompted us to believe in the first place this season would finally be different.
That team, if that's really what you want to call yourselves, was nothing more than a band of impostors sent to make the Packers look better than their 9-8 record.
The question we have been asking ourselves since the 2nd quarter that fateful Sunday is, where were you?
Are You Too Good For Your Home? (Happy Gilmore)
In this case, you weren't too good for your home. You were just not good enough at home.
After a perfect 8-0 record at home in 2023 and a streak of 16 games dating back to 2022, you saved your only loss for the game that mattered most.
A different streak continues after the loss, but it's a streak that favors the Green Bay Packers.
After the 48-32 thumping, the Packers have now won 10 of the last 11 meetings, and also have never lost at AT&T Stadium.
For a team we thought had changed the home-field advantage narrative, you sure did wait for a heck of a time to show us we were wrong.
You got bullied on your own field and got sent home.
Hey, We Can Fix This (Big Daddy)
The fact of the matter is no matter how angry we are at you, we will be back for training camp to support you.
However, you need to make some changes to get us to trust you again.
You have to get to the bottom of why defenses give our offense so much trouble when they rush four and drop seven into coverage.
There have been a handful of games where opposing teams have surprised you with it and no in-game adjustments have made it better.
Next, you need to get some linebackers to help the defense from getting gashed right up the gut and get Mazi Smith back on whatever diet he was on at Michigan.
Asking him to lose weight after we all thought he was drafted to be a 330-pound force in the middle of the defense wasn't a smart thing to do.
Lastly, bring in another coach or player to the team that can help build toughness for the playoffs.
A coach or player who has been to the big dance, and knows what a locker room needs to take the team to the next level.
Oh No! We Suck Again! (The Waterboy)
This one seems to be making the rounds of Cowboys Twitter while most fans are still in the anger stage of grief.
Personally, I know enough football to know that a 12-5 team who was good enough for the 2nd seed in the conference and has nine All-Pro players does not suck.
Whether anyone wants to acknowledge it anymore after another early playoff exit, the 2023 version of the Dallas Cowboys was one of the best regular season teams to ever play.
They set several NFL records both for team and individual accomplishments alike, filling Cowboys Nation with hopes and dreams, only to shatter them abruptly.
I'm mourning the death of the 2023 Dallas Cowboys, gone too soon.
But soon we will be talking about the 2024 Dallas Cowboys as we impatiently wait for September so we can watch you take the field for another Super Bowl hopeful season.
And so begins the vicious cycle once again.
