My day job, since I retired as a sportswriter and editor in 2013, is writing fiction. Science fiction for the most part to be exact. Aliens, spaceships and the like. The way the Dallas Cowboys have approached this past week of free agency has me trying to figure out what's going on.
It has to be science fiction. It's the only explanation that makes sense. A pair of body-snatching pod people/aliens have clearly swapped themselves for Jerry and Stephen Jones.
Breaking Old Patterns
How else do you explain turning a pair of fifth-round picks in 2023 — and a sixth-rounder in 2024 — into Stephon Gilmore and Brandin Cooks?
Two players who have played in the Super Bowl, with one winning it all (Gilmore). That kind of experience isn't going to be found in the late rounds of a draft.
They let players with big contracts walk away — Ezekiel Elliott and Dalton Schultz — and reworked other contracts to keep key defensive players.
Cooks' contract was reworked. Somehow they got his former team to eat a third of it and further reduced his contract hit from $12 million to $4 million this year.
They just signed Offensive Lineman Chuma Edoga. They also have room to re-sign Defensive Tackle Jonathan Hankins and Linebacker Dante Fowler Jr. if they wish.
In a matter of a week, the Cowboys have gone from over the cap to money to burn.
Over that same time period, the Cowboys have gone from perennial divisional-round losers to a team that has a legitimate chance to win it all. And there are still plenty of free agents out there to pursue.
There's also the 2023 NFL Draft coming up in April.
Even with the trades Dallas is holding one pick in every round. That's seven more chances to improve the team, even if they don't sign another free agent.
The Cowboys might be having the best year of any NFL team.
So far.
There's still an entire season of games and the playoffs to navigate first. And long-time Cowboys fans are painfully aware that if the Cowboys can screw up something good, they usually find a way.
But to be honest, this year has a different feel to it. In the past quarter century, Dallas' track record has been one of making ill-advised trades.
See: Williams, Roy (Detroit) and Galloway, Joey (Seattle) as examples.
Their usual M.O. has been to stay out of the free agent market, retain their own players, and focus on the draft.
Except some of the draft picks for many years were questionable. With few exceptions, the drafts didn't pan out that well.
A New Hope
But with a recent run of good drafts, coupled with this off-season's moves, suddenly Cowboys' fans have reason to hope.
And to question: Who are these guys? Where have they been for the last 25 years?
This brings me to my theory. Unless Jerry Jones woke up the morning after the 49ers loss and decided he'd had enough, there is only one explanation.
An alien race of pod people, long-time Cowboys fans themselves, have had enough of this crap. They sent two of their own to Earth and body snatched Jerry and Stephen Jones.
Their mission: Right the Cowboys' ship and win a Super Bowl. Our condolences to the Jones family on the swapping out of their kin. But this is football and we want a title.
So to our alien, body-snatching friends and franchise saviors we say this: “Well done, you magnificent bastards! On to the Super Bowl!”
And if it still is the real Jerry and Stephen at The Star then we say this: “It's about dang time!”
