2025 New Years resolutions the Cowboys need to make

As we begin 2025, with hopes of a better ending for the Dallas Cowboys than 2024 provided, here’s some New Year’s resolutions we’d all like to see the Cowboys embrace.

Hopefully, some of them will be read by the people mentioned and actually be put into practice. Because after this season, hope is about all we have left at this point.

And remember, I wrote these, and not the person mentioned, so it’s all in fun, right?

Jerry Jones

I, Jerry Jones, resolve to realize that I couldn’t even be a general manager of a lemonade stand and will hire someone who can build a championship team.

I further resolve to avoid the microphone like they were the plague. I will never again utter the words “all-in” or “we like our guys.”

That goes for my son, Stephen, too. Nor will I threaten to have radio show hosts fired for daring to ask me legitimate questions.

I also resolve to put up the curtains on the western side of AT&T Stadium, so my receivers can see the football coming right at them without being blinded for life by the sun.

I further resolve to stop saying things like “what about the moon” or “how about we tear down the stadium” that make me look like an idiot.

(Note: I was going to toss in this gem: “I further resolve to sell the team.” But I’m trying to keep this to things that aren’t impossible — RP.)

The Front Office

We resolve to tell the boss that waiting until the last minute to sign a player, and then giving them everything they want, isn’t working.

We further resolve to make a better effort in signing free agents that will make a real impact. We will at least call a player and ask what they’re asking for.

Because seeing what Saquon Barkley and Derrick Henry, two players we didn’t reach out to, are doing this year with new teams is embarrassing.

Mike McCarthy

Assuming I’m not canned five minutes after Sunday’s game, I resolve to understand that my style of offense doesn’t cut it against good defenses.

I further resolve to recall what worked under Cooper Rush, namely, we ran the ball more. Even when Dak Prescott returns next year, we will run the ball more.

I also resolve to walk into Jerry Jones’ office and tell him he needs to butt out of who starts, who plays, and what plays are called.

I will do so knowing I could be fired. No coach with any self-respect would put up with a meddling owner, so it’s high time I get with the program.

And finally, I will stop going for it on fourth down, early in the game, and when the ball is still in my own territory.

Dak Prescott

I resolve to be more like Micah Parsons and understand that taking less money to allow my team to surround me with more talent leads to championships.

I also resolve to be more like Cooper Rush and get the ball out of my hands quicker, checking down instead of throwing into double-coverage.

Ezekiel Elliott

I resolve to go play for another NFL team — now that I’ve been released for the second time from Dallas — and never come back.

It’s clear Jerry Jones thinks it’s 2016, but I realize it’s 2025, and I’m done as a lead running back.

Micah Parsons

I resolve to stop lining up offsides. I also resolve to learn that when my team loses by 34 points in no way, shape, or form does that mean it was a close game.

DeMarvion Overshown

I resolve to have both of my knees replaced with Adamantium so that I can play a full NFL season. I also resolve to run Rowdy out of the state of Texas, so I can wear the number 0 jersey.

I’ll also drag Trevon Diggs down for the procedure too.

Brock Hoffman

I resolve to be a nicer person out on the field…

Nah, who am I kidding? I resolve to make Conrad Dobler look like a saint before I’m done playing.

Brandon Aubrey

I resolve to nail a 75-yard field goal before my NFL career ends.

You know what, let’s really set a goal? Make it 109 yards.

Let’s get it done, Coach McCarthy!

Jimmy Johnson

I resolve to have the FOX pregame show broadcast from wherever Dallas is playing every week.

That way I can kick Jerry Jones in the shin every time he tries to get in front of a camera and answer questions.

I can also walk into the locker room and fire up the boys for the second half.

Richard Paolinelli

To be fair, I will also make a Cowboys-related resolution:

I resolve to be nicer to Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys organization this year. Yeah, that resolution lasted all of five seconds.

Sorry, not sorry.

Happy New Year everyone.

May 2025 be a better year for all of us.