For most coaches approaching their rookie year as an NFL Head Coach, just winning more games than you lose is a big win.
Maybe getting into the playoffs would be an added bonus. But winning it all in their first year?
If you said, “Inconceivable!” you, like Vizzini, are using that word, and it might not mean what you think it does.
And there’s your obscure 1980s film reference for the offseason.
Brian Schottenheimer will be a rookie head coach this fall for the Dallas Cowboys. Over the last 28 years, he has been an assistant coach in some capacity for nine NFL teams and two college teams.
The previous three years he was with the Cowboys, the last two serving as Mike McCarthy’s offensive coordinator.
The son of long-time NFL Head Coach Marty Schottenheimer, the Cowboys’ new leader has the pedigree, if not the experience.
But can that translate into quick success? Especially in the postseason where the Cowboys have struggled in the last three decades?
Improbable, But Not Impossible
In the previous 59 Super Bowls, two of them have been won by a team with a first-year head coach.
In 1971, the Baltimore Colts were led by Don McCafferty who had taken over the team before that season. In 1989, George Siefert replaced Bill Walsh and led the 49ers to the championship.
Both men had long-term experience as assistants, both had spent a few years with their teams before taking over, and both inherited solid rosters.
Brian Schottenheimer also checks off those three boxes.
It remains up to him, his coaching staff, and his players to make it happen for a third time in February.
But, without having served a single game as head coach yet, how does he stack up against his division rivals?
A Distant Third?
Right now, the Eagles’ Nick Siriani wears the crown as the Division’s top head coach by default.
Yes, he’s a jerk. But, he’s a jerk with two Super Bowl appearances in his four years as a head coach and one championship to his credit.
Sirianni has yet to suffer a losing season either.
The numbers don’t lie.
Washington’s Dan Quinn is the clear second. He has taken one team to a Super Bowl, and he appears on the cusp of getting the Commanders to one as well.
Schottenheimer will start the year off as the third-best coach in the division, simply because of his lack of experience in the role.
Why not fourth, you might ask?
That’s because Brian Daboll somehow retained his job in New York. Why the Giants didn’t show him the door at the end of last year is a mystery.
Daboll is 18-32-1 in his three years as the Giants head man. His only winning season was his first, a 9-7-1 record at that.
While Shottenheimer has a good chance of moving up the list, Daboll’s prospects look grim.
The good news is, he can’t fall any farther than fourth-best in the NFC East.
